A (Non) Definitive Ranking of the Grossest 90s and Early 2000s Junk Food
Back in the age of Skip Its, Furbies, Beanie Babies and the Spice Girls, we sure ate some weird shit. Although my brother and I weren’t allowed to snack on Lunchables at home, we’d wolf them down at friends’ houses. Ditto for all those Little Debbie treats.
The snacks I did get my paws on at the store? The more sugar the better! Bonus points for unnaturally colored treats and foods I could play with.
So without further ado, let’s take a little trip down memory lane, shall we?
Here are some of my favorite nostalgic sweets, from least to most disgusting (imho). Bon appétit!
10. Fizz
Like Rock Candy lite, these hard candies had…you guessed it…fizzy interiors! I very distinctly recall riding my trusty Razor scooter to the drugstore a few blocks away to buy a handful of them for 10 cents apiece.
10/10 would eat today if given the chance.
9. Gushers
Simply a classic, these oozy, disturbingly neon fruit snacks were (and still are) irresistible.
8. Melody Pops
Do you remember these bizarre, discontinued lollipops that doubled as flutes? I’m sure my parents do, and that their eardrums were never the same after dozens of God-awful renditions of “Hot Cross Buns.” Sorry, Mom and Dad.
7. Combos
Oven-baked crackers filled with (real?) cheese! Although stores still sell Combos widely, I can’t say I’ve bought them in a couple decades, but I admittedly have some fond memories of crunching on the Pepperoni Pizza Cracker.
6. Shark Bites
“A feeding frenzy of fruity fun” indeed! These chewy fruit snacks were tasty albeit a bit chalky at times.
5. Fruit by the Foot
I have a friend who would wrap one of these 3-foot fruit snacks around her thumb and suck on it until the soggy confection disappeared. A most delicious candy with superb tongue-dying powers, Fruit by the Foot is still widely consumed.
4. Big League Chew
Did you know that Big League Chew was founded in 1977 by Portland Mavericks pitcher Rob “Nellie” Nelson? Me neither, until just a moment before writing this.
I used to love putting an entire packet of this shredded, sugary bubblegum (that very much resembles chewing tobacco?!) into my mouth. A killer jaw workout!
3. Flintstones Push Ups
These are summer staples. I can almost hear the tinny sound of the ice cream truck and the screams of kids chasing after it. And I can almost feel the Push Up dripping down my chin and taste the mushy cardboard tube caving in around it.
2. Easy Cheese
This disgustingly orange processed “cheese” is still produced today, but it makes me oddly nostalgic. Ahhh, the good old days of writing my name on Ritz crackers (or my brother’s back.)
1. EZ Squirt Ketchup
This wacky product is considered one of the biggest food flops in recent history. The green, teal, orange, pink, and blue ketchup survived from 2000 to 2006 before it was sadly discontinued. May it rest in peace.
There you have it — a very arbitrary ranking of snacks of years gone by. What do you think? Do you have a bone to pick with me about this Very Official ranking? Let me know!
